right now I'm sitting in the middle of a field
it's 9PM. it's cool, but not cold
I'm not surrounded by noises, or people. I'm with my two dogs. but again, they're not people
not staring into any screens. not listening to any music
just hearing the crickets in the background
and honestly, I needed to have this
this moment of peace
I might elaborate more about this in a blog post. or I might not. you'd be surprised, or actually not, at the amount of times I say "I need to write", and end up not writing lol
note: originally, this was all being sent into a Discord server, but then I decided to turn it into a blog post but yeah, it feels nice out here
it isn't the first time I come to this field either
sometimes I wish I could bring my laptop out here and just type from here. it's a very soothing place, really
nothing is really stopping me though. not really. just the fact that my parents would find it weird that I'm going outside at night, with my laptop and a chair
there's so many things I don't do because of my parents
that's why I like my uni flat so much. I am alone. I don't even share it. I can really do whatever I want in there
still though, it's convenient to stay at my parents'
and I do come back home every weekend during the school year, since the flat is only 10 miles away
they still buy and give me food, and wash my clothes
but I just get to be more "myself" at uni
my dad told me "so long as you're living under my roof, you don't wear any skirts or dresses"
and the uni flat isn't his roof, so, eat that
I get to call myself and have others call me Crescent Moon
you don't know how happy that name makes me feel. I'm so glad I got my friends to call me that
I didn't tell my workmates though, even though I did wear a dress to the dinner we had after the last evening of work...
my last day of work was the other sunday, 8/IX, and I intended to write a blog post either that night or the next one
but life got in the way. as it always does...
the summer went by too fast. I couldn't believe it when I checked my phone and it said August 1st
it feels like it was last week when I wrote the rubber ring page
I intended to update it to add more photos, and to write a follow up with my boss's reaction
but just like I said earlier, I didn't find the time to
it was, for the most part, the same faces as last year
we get along very well, there's no doubt in that. but it's not like I'm gonna reach out to them to hang out sometime. I might ask a couple of individuals how they're doing, though
especially Vicente. oh Vicente, my brother...
he's the only black man at work, and he really makes true the expression "working like a black man"
my poor man gets exploited there, I'm serious. but even still, he's so positive about everything
of course he knows how to get serious, but he's still so sweet
he even called me the N word once. endearingly so
it threw me off a bit, just like every time I do as little as read the N word nowadays, but after the shock it warmed me up so much
I know it means "brother"platonically but more endearingly because of the race thing
or at least I think it means that
he might've meant to call me a cracker and simply didn't know the slur, so he went with the slur that he did know
but it's been a few weeks since that, so what should I care about what he really meant to say
his last day of work was thursday, but I didn't work on thursday, so I had to tell him goodbye on wednesday
he was playing billiards with Valeri, the head of the food department
I waited for a bit and then I told them that I was there to tell Vicente goodbye
and he looked at me surprised and went "how can that be?!"
we talked and I ended up hugging him, cause I really do appreciate the guy
I think I appreciate him more than my boss, even if I do see a reflection of my mother in my boss (despite my boss being male)
and the reason he had to leave on thursday and couldn't wait until sunday was because he was expecting a new child!
and he's dominican. and he comes to Spain to work on the summers
so yeah he had to catch a flight early in the morning and all
I have a ton of respect for him
now that I mentioned my mother, I might as well say that recently I've had some dreams featuring her
the first one, two nights ago, was at one of my town's railroad crossings
they replaced the current, modern railroad crossing barriers and signals with two old stop signs (one said "sбop" and the other was a mess, though it felt czech)
and also, instead of the barriers, there was like a big, 1950s signal, placed on a red mast and with a large round black backplate
it was snowing as well, which just doesn't happen in my town
I remember walking up to the signal, under which my mom stood, and telling her to step back from the tracks
I started to walk back to the road, but then I noticed some blood on the snow
suddenly my mom laid on the floor, and she looked like she had been ran over by a train
the other dream happened last night, and took place in a beach in my region
I know this because it's quite a peculiar one, and because I remember how that beach looked in my head when I was a kid
the beach is made of gravel instead of sand, it's surrounded by cliffs on both sides, and there is a highway running along that cliff
when I was a kid, the cliff seemed so much more tall and vertical, and the highway looked like it was clenching onto its side to not fall off
for some reason, in this dream there additionally were two large CRT's, one on the cliffside and another at the beach
the one that was down at the beach had the front of a bright orange sports car chassis, but no windshield or wheels or engine or nothing, it was as if they had cut the car in half from where the driver sits and put the front part in front of the CRT
I remember it being sunset
and my mom was standing there next to me
after looking around myself for a while, I looked at the sun
and of course, it was black. or well, its rays were black, and the sky was red, that's as usual
but the sun was so bright that, even though it was black, it seemed white because of how much it brightened
after staring into the sun for a solid ten seconds, I looked at my mom and asked her "mom, is this real or is this a dream?"
"no, I assure you it's real."
"...well I'll be fucked then", I responded
I then sat on the gravel, and my mom sat down next to me. and I don't remember what happened next
I'm not having any dreams with my dad though, for some reason
it must be because I don't really converse with him that much, even though lately I'm finding myself agreeing with him more
maybe I dream more with my mom because I know that I'm not speaking to her.. as nicely as I used to? but I really don't know
along the summer, I've made some drawings that I completely forgot about posting here
Fabrications - 05/VII/24
this was REALLY nice to draw, since I rediscovered how fun it is to draw my characters, especially Bridgette. I think she came out the best
I thought of colouring it, but honestly I like how the plain cardboard looks
if I do decide to colour it, it'll be an entirely digital version, tracing this photo
after that, I saw this qna image going around instagram. so I posted it on 12/VII/24, promising I would answer all questions asked with doodles (which turned into fully fledged drawings because I can't measure myself lol)
the face in the fourth drawing was inspired by the Psychopomp game icon
10 out of 10 game, really recommend
then on 5/VIII/24, I joined Revolt, an alternative to Discord, by insistence of one of my dearest online friends
so I decided to make a banner for myself on that account, leaving some room on the left for the profile picture
I then turned that banner into an instagram story, that eventually worried one of my real life friends, lol
then, last of all of this, is another drawing that I shared on 25/VIII/24
when I drew this, I was deadly worried about one of my dearest online friends
they had been feeling suicidal, and had stopped speaking in chats, or responding to my private messages
this had gone on for some months, and they had eventually come back a bit, creating a new Instagram account that I found rather quickly
I don't know if they liked that fact, much less do I know if they liked it that I tried to text them through there too, but they didn't block me, so...
gladly, they did come back to Discord some time after that, before I had the chance to post this drawing
that is why, when posting this drawing to Discord, I stated
"I find it pointless to post this anymore since this drama is over (for the better, thankfully). but it's the first thing I draw in a long while, so I still think I've gotta share it"
it is indeed a rare occurrence for me to draw, and some people really like how I draw, so I really did feel compelled to sharing it despite the situation being solved
so now that you are all reassured that I am still alive, what should you expect next?
well, I don't know. classes begin next monday, and I don't think I'll be able to clutch another blog post before starting them, or really find a reason to write one
what I should do instead, is finish the project that I must turn in before or on sunday, and arrange my timetables to see what subjects I want to and can go to
I'm also quite busy with the renovation that we have going on at my house, since we're turning part of the garage into a flat that we can rent in the future
and eventually we will also turn our current house into flats that we can rent in the future
and eveeeentually we will build a new house for ourselves
all in due time though...
meanwhile, I have also thought of opening an email address, where you could send me your thoughts and have a closer conversation with me!
something about directing people to my Discord account doesn't seem right...
so if I do make an email available, I would put a link available at the site's homepage. not the blog index. just making sure you're all aware
that's all. good night!
