I've personally realized just how rarer it's becoming for me to write here, so I guess I might kill two birds with one stone with this long blog post
first off! a new drawing! yippee!
"AFTERLIFE parts 1 & 2", dated 15/IV/24
the inspiration for this drawing came after a conversation with a member of a discord server I'm in, said server belonging to fallenhuman.neocities.com it's a very cool site, or at least it is if you enjoy reading about what's going on inside someone's head. I know I do, and it's pretty much why I make these blogs in the first place, to give other people that pleasure
anyway, the conversation I had with this dude started with me talking about the Lamb, which is the green thing you see there if you're not in the know
it's a massive concrete statue. I don't know why it's like that, or why I call it the Lamb, or why it makes my head hurt to be around it, or why it brings me towards it
but yeah, I opened up about all those things. and this guy decided to reach out and say, I quote, "I'm a psychonaut / psychic / spiritual whatever so can I look into this cause it interests me"
I said that he could and he replied he'd tell me what he'd find next friday, which would've been april 17th
but to my surprise, I actually got an answer on april 13th, and here's, kinda summed up, what the guy told me
it has its own ancient language, with which it communicated to him
the Lamb appears creepy cause it doensn't belong, but it's has no ill will, and is not dangerous
in fact, it only wants to bring me "home". it doesn't understand what my purpose is, and wants to take me "home", but the path that my own mind tries to make to get there fails and falls short
this "home" is far, far away, and I will only be able to go there when I die; in the afterlife
"Makes me wonder tf you are"
the conversation ended not too far after that, but the next night I texted the guy again, basically telling him that all he told me was bullshit, but some interesting bullshit at that
AND IT TURNS OUT that the way he communicated with the Lamb was by GETTING HIMSELF HIGH
you should've seen my fucking face, MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED
but yeah, that's what prompted the drawing at first. in fact, first it was only going to be the top half, which is part 1 of the drawing
forever controlled by the Lamb, forced to dance for its twisted desires and be flailed around with ropes attached to my ends like a doll
part 2 is based off of a drawing much older. I probably did it at age 13 or 14, but I couldn't date it if I tried. I might actually edit this entry later in order to add said drawing
so yeah, there you can see me in a room. there used to be a poster on the left, but I guess I tore it up to shreds by then
in the original drawing, the landscape in the background looks normal; the tree has leaves and the sky is blue. it's meant to be a fake of what the outside world is
meanwhile here, the landscape is fucked. it's that red sky black sun bullshit. it's the afterlife. it's that son of a bitch watching me
I am yet to find out if those eyes belong to the Lamb, though my guess is that they don't. I'm kinda sure though that I won't hire a weed smoker to figure that out for me. or maybe I will. who knows
now for the crying!
it happened two sundays ago cause I hasn't seen my parents in the whole weekend since they were away with the RV
so when they came back at around 8PM, ready to just take me to my grandma's flat, where I'm staying for university, I started thinking about how little I'm seeing them, and would be seeing them, and that made me very sad honestly
and I started crying! which surprised even myself, but hey, I guess it's nice that I did, because I had to let out all that stuff somehow
I failed to hide it in front of my parents, and that lead to a big hug between us, which I really appreciated. and then they took me to my grandma's flat
after that, last saturday, we went to have lunch at a restaurant with most of my dad's side of the family, gathering nine people in the end
we didn't really enjoy the food, but we did enjoy each others company. especially me, since it apparently snapped in me how precious time with your loved ones really is
and then that evening we picked up my other grandma and went into the rv to the countryside, to the... "farmhouse". you call it a farmhouse in english, unless "cortijo" is also a word. maybe in California they'll know what it means? eh
and yeah, we spent the night and most of sunday there. we had a barbaque, played games and chatted with each other
I really enjoyed myself! I came back to my grandma's house feeling happy that night
and uhh, yeah, that's it for now
I don't really wanna get into how I feel with university because it's almost 1AM, sooo next time, maybe
