14. 31/XII/23: dumpster of words

lies lies everyone's a liar they would rather lie and keep face than be honest chasing to be accepted chasing to be liked but nobody likes a lie so why do people still lie? why do i lie? i lie too and i also hate the possible consequences but i too try to keep face and prevent others from hating me that makes me no better than the rest because i'm juts like the others
unrelated. constantly jumping between the two accounts to see if anyone has talked to me or talked at all beccause i'm just that much alone at least i know there aren't two peopl in my head it's only me and that's what's best
...
i'm already regretting writing all that
uh
daily diary entries to come in 2024
that's my new year's resolution
let's hope I accomplish it

13/IX

disconnected disconected disconnected // pulling the chord // writing on the wall
here are my truths and I lay them for you // I am a daughter of the moon // do as I tell you do as I'm told
the words projecting into the world against my weel(will?) // my mouth is shut
shit shit // lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied lied // you don't remember // don't want to too bad // where's your face
what happened? // mass grave no // casket dumpster // putrid casket // saw his skull // grandpa is that you // who are you // she's with you now // you're together // rejoice for she has escaped // I want to escape too // take me with you M███ // plase(please?) take (?)
not enough for your family // so many lost
not enough for your friends // lives gone
turned into strangers - contacts erased - dms dead // those damn roleplays
years ago I was an angry young man and // I'd pretend I was a billboard // keeping a straight face // unfazed // while I screamed inside // want them back
you/I/who messed up everything // who done it // who to blame // who are you writing to show me that
who done it who/why/what/why/why/why
why why R██ T██ T███ S██ // N██ N██ T███ G██ N██ N██ N██ N██ // never got to say goodbye talk back to me // you're stupid for thinking that miserable imbecile idiot moon
burning burn // fire ow hurt // fire the sun is on fire // worst way to die // hand picked fire // last meal fire // a fire in your soul to do away your sins
safe space but for how long // run run run // run run run // run run run // run run run
dad dad I need you Jev // das Sater Gabby // Naite perfect family // bring together

LIAR
ANGSTY FOR THE SAKE OF IT // ANGST // ANGST // ANGRY AT YOUR/MYSELF
WANT A WAY OUT // TOUGH LUCK
WHO AM I TALKING TO
AM I ME
RESPONDING TO YOUR/MY SELF
WHAT AM I AT THIS POINT

you're not a daughter of the moon you're not a woman you're a man suck it up quit lying you're fine don't try to fool anyone you you (you?) fuck you fuck you fuck me? what AM I WHAT AAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAA AAAAAA

exhibit A
exhibit B

24/IX

found in the forest graffited to a billboard
TO THOSE WITH FEARFUL HEARTS BE STRONG DO NOT FEAR YOUR GOD WILL COME HE WILL COME WITH VENGEANCE WITH DIVINE RETRIBUTION HE WILL COME TO SAVE YOU
ISIAH 35:4